Ok... so I am putting the lid on the coffin tonight... pounding in the last nail....only thing is that I can't leave the subject of putting my religious system in there.... until I talk about all the other stuff that went into the coffin before mine.... my own religious system was just the last big one that I put into the coffin... I put that one on top of all the other systems...

Hoping this will be the last thing I need to stuff into the coffin so I can nail the lid on this thing and bury it.... this is probably why people write their memoirs when they get to be my age... to kind of get it all off their chests... discharge that thing... put it wherever it needs to go... and it's done with... especially if it is dead... then coffins are good...

so I was taught that this whole walk with God is by faith... just believing... there is nothing I can do to earn my relationship with God... I am not justified by works... there is nothing I can do to earn my salvation... so... why is it do you suppose that the next thing I was taught... was all the things that Christians need to do....

of course... since Philip was one of the professional representatives of God on earth... should there be any problem in the lives of those I was caring for... it had to be coming from some issue in their lives... since it could never be from my lack of faith... or anything that was out of kilter in my walk with God... of course...

that was all I could think of when I finally saw it... when the full impact of what I was doing to put people into terrible bondage... that was it... all I could think was the horror... the horror... I never asked God to forgive me for any sin faster than that one... that one of being the professional minister who was supposed to be helping people be set free...

As human beings we have to rationalize everything that happens in our lives... so we can correct... adjust... change... adapt... and hopefully avert certain kinds of things (like bad things) from ever happening again... when we rationalize... when we explain it away... it helps us to stay in control...

Now it's true confessions time... I personally took that good guys/bad guys thing to a whole nother level.... back in my days as a professional Christian Minister.... I taught folks that becoming a Christian was the way to escape all the bad things... can't believe I did this.. I even got paid to teach it... 

Why do bad things happen to good people?  How many times have I heard that question...? Lots... How many times have you heard that question? Probably lots as well...but.. you know something... in all my 76 years... I have never heard anyone ever ask this other question... why do bad things happen to bad persons?

when they come... when those "ugliests"  come... life as I know it grinds to a halt... the questions come... the silence comes.... but no answers...

always good to be able to get away to see family and friends.... weddings are particularly nice.... especially when it's your grandson.... yet... it is always good to get back too!