Glad I finally got there... you know... to finally get to the beginning... even though it took me 76 years... I did get there...I have begun... and like the man said... better late... than never...

do I enjoy the uglies?.... not.... nobody does... nobody enjoys going thru those things... but they happen... the uglies come.... heck, we don't even like the bads... much less the uglies... but we will never enter into His rest... until we treat those uglies  just the same as we treat that other imposter... the one we don't seem to mind at all...

I wrote it on Wednesday... about how triumph or disaster are both imposters and how we need to treat them both the same... so Thursday of course was D-Day here... Disaster Day... for Philip...big time... one disaster after the other... that's how it works... when I say it... then the test comes...

This good thing vrs. bad thing.... success vrs. failure... triumph vrs. disaster... they are all imposters... I quoted that Kipling Poem the other day... about how we need to meet all of those guys exactly the same... or I am still being blown about...

Amazing what I used to think it meant to be double minded... I was taught that when I asked God for something I had to do it in "faith" believing and then I would get what I asked for... but... if I let a little doubt creep in there... God would not give me what I asked for...

All this blowin' around stuff... there is a lot to this... it's part of what keeps us from ever growing up... actually I was clueless even what growing up looked like... till just a couple years ago... now I am getting a little glimpse of it after 43 years of walking with God... I needed to get stable... but didn't know how...

Jerking that hook... pulling me back and forth... one great thing to do for God after another... bouncing this way... then that way... just like watching my leaves blowing around the yard today... rake them one direction... a gust of wind blows them off in another direction... back and forth... up and down... that's what all those religious hooks did to me...

I think I have made every mistake... and been pulled about by every hook... but the worst of all the hooks by which I have been hooked... is the religious hook... oh my... the places that has pulled me to with each new jerk... the pull to do great things for God... to accomplish much for Him... to be important... to be successfull...

Sometimes I think I've experienced every hook that's available... there are so many hooks... alcohol...drugs...cigarettes... sex... porn... womanizing... I can't tell you how thankful I am that that there is  a way out... that Jesus can and did set me free from all of that... but you know something... the worst hook of all... wasn't all that stuff...

all things considered, I actually got a pretty good report from my visit to the doctor... my sugar was fine... no one was using the "D-word" this time... you know... the sugar problem word... diabetes... the first time it was used was back in March at my last visit when my sugar was on the high side... this time the word was "fine"...and the blood pressure was still decent...