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...re-connected

It's amazing really... how easily  we give up... we hear  all these things in our heads.... when a phone call isn't returned... when there is no response to an email... a birthday forgotten (ignored is what we hear)... and the voices play with our rejection and tell us how they  really don't care about us... they  don't want to have a relationship with me... nobody loves me... everybody hates me... I'm gonna go eat worms... !      :)

I used to suffer from what I now call my terminal rejection... it literally consumed me... it almost killed  me... then I had my encounter at the fence in 1999.... and all that began to change... today I am pretty much healed up... just some tweaking of an old wound  now and then.  Rejection does not start with a phone call that isn't returned... it starts  with the real thing... it can start at birth when a mom leaves you on a doorstep somewhere... ask all the orphans  in the world about where their rejection started... or when Mom announces to you that you were a mistake  and she wishes they had legalized abortion back then... dad tells you just what a worthless  piece of crap you are... believe me... this rejection horror starts in a thousand different ways ... long before  somebody didn't return a phone call.

I'm not the pot  calling the kettle black... I keep working at trying to communicate  that one...how about when I had enough  after 12 years of fighting with my wife and said... "that's enough... I'm outta here..."  I totally rejected  my wife... my 6 kids... my in-laws... many friends we had... that was big time rejection... they were very real  wounds...very painful  wounds. I am so thankful  for forgiveness.  Without forgiveness I couldn't handle it... all the lousy rotten things I did to people... it is supposed to  be the opposite of that... loving... caring... committed relationships... thankfully it is that way now... to the best I know how to do that.

Back just after the close of the restaurant in '94, we ended up moving to Morrisville the following year. I had a very close friend... Chris... he would come regularly to the restaurant and we would have coffee together and talk about virtually anything and everything... but especially we loved to explore together   what we used to call "the deeper things of God" back then.

One day... a few years after we had moved...  a phone call didn't get returned... nor an email... the usual Christmas card didn't come... yeah... of course...Chris must have heard  about what a whack job I had become...

I was convinced .... he had broken off our relationship.

hmmmmm....

On the 'morrow !

:)
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