When I discovered that my problems with the feminine form... those UFO's I mentioned a while back... those problems were not only  keeping me from the priesthood.... but that getting married did not resolve the problems... I was totally frustrated.  I also was convinced that I was totally depraved... at least for a while... until I discovered that all the other guys I knew had the same problem... I no longer felt I was depraved... I now began to look at myself as normal... just like every other guy.

I had gotten involved in a couple little theater groups... meeting a whole bunch of guys who were very open about these things... in my  previous Catholic Religious Culture you just didn't talk  about those things... sex was evil... ugly... wrong... awful... sent one to hell... so one repressed and hid everything concerning that area of life ... I certainly didn't want anyone  besides myself knowing how depraved I really  was...

Other than that particular area of my life... ... I thought I was a pretty wonderful  person...once I was out working in the real world... I discovered that I actually was a pretty nice guy .... at least compared  to many others I was running across... I was a pretty friendly guy... motivated... enthusiastic... I didn't lie, cheat or steal.. at least in business... I was industrious, hard working and not prejudiced... even though I grew up in a world full of prejudice... surrounded by bigots of all kinds... nothing quite like the 40's and 50's to grow up in.... thinking that you were better than the rest of the human race... because you were white.... and German.... I was never very proud  of my ancestry during the 40"s... but I still was part of the Master Race whether I liked it or not... I mean all those blacks, Jews, Irish, Italian, Poles, Hispanics... obviously were less than  this white German male... and that was before all the influx of Asians... Mexicans... and the like..

One of the actors I met... a black guy... was very friendly... we hit it off pretty well... became good friends... both of us loved theater... like I said... somehow I had not  become a bigot... black was not a problem for me...he invited me to visit his religious group... they were the Baha'i  Faith... I had never heard of them before... I went to some social thing with them... everyone was super friendly... I wasn't use to that in my Catholic Religious Culture... it was a totally new experience... and quite enjoyable.  I had my  very first religious experience outside of Catholicism.

My friend invited me to go with him to D.C. to visit his family. I was pretty naive. White boy visiting  the black section of D.C.  Somehow I survived many crazy things like that over the years... so many things ... I mean I have done some really weird  things.... but didn't run into any problems this time.... I assume because I was with the black guy... but... when we went to bed that night and this guy threw his arm around me during the night, I just totally freaked  out... that was the end of our friendship... as well as my experience with the Baha'i Faith...

Unfortunately... as I move from story to story these next few weeks... there is one recurring theme... it did not seem to matter what the Religious System was... none of them seemed to affect the character of the folks within the system... especially  the leadership... so I would leave that system/culture and move on to another one... only to be disappointed again... somehow I felt like a relationship with God should  make you different... should change your character in some way... should somehow make you a better person...

We'll explore another one that I looked at after  Baha'i.....next time...

:)