...more on the "tunes" we play... :)
I just changed my tune... it needed to change... all these thoughts kept coming... about death and dieing... my death and dieing... :)
"you are going to the cardio guy today big fella and you will find out that you are back in A-Fib... soon to be followed by a heart attack and stroke... "... Nice pleasant thought inundation... don't we all just sit around thinking about things like that... to make sure we start the day just right... :)
It was quite an experience... Ellen and I knew where the thoughts were coming from... and why they were coming... they were coming to steal something very important from me... my peace and my joy... I needed to change the tune... so Ellen and I shut everything down and spent our usual morning prayer time together... specifically coming against that onslaught of negative thoughts... thoughts that were based upon no facts... not one symptom... not one fact... thoughts that came simply to get me anxious... lose my peace and joy... even to the point of making me not want to visit the cardio guy at all...
In the midst of my anxiety attack... I decided not to make a couple difficult phone calls... there was no way I could talk with these people rationally ...without losing it and saying something really stupid... so I didn't call. After our prayer time, I realized that what I had done was... agreed with all the lies that were coming at me. Now that was the really stupid thing.... so I picked up the phone... dealt with both the calls I needed to make... resolved all the issues... clearly and rationally... :)
....then took off for the doctor.
I had my peace back... blocked out a bunch of strange things the nurse was saying... waiting to hear what the doctor said. I was absolutely determined to just deal with his evaluation... which would be based on the facts of the EKG...the strange pulse activities....(etc. ad nasuem from the nurse guy... :)
It really didn't matter at that point which way it went... I was going to deal with the facts... not with the "voices" ....
It was great to find out that I was not back in A-Fib... my heart rhythm was fine... it would have been OK if it was not... it just made me more thankful for what the Lord has done for me with my heart.... knowing it could have gone the other way... it didn't...seems He wants to keep me around for a little longer to cook more breakfasts for the wonderful guests He keeps sending us.
Guess I will still hold off for a bit on throwing that big funeral party I talked about... the one to celebrate my life before I die... rather than after... I wouldn't be able to enjoy the party as much if it was after...
:)
"you are going to the cardio guy today big fella and you will find out that you are back in A-Fib... soon to be followed by a heart attack and stroke... "... Nice pleasant thought inundation... don't we all just sit around thinking about things like that... to make sure we start the day just right... :)
It was quite an experience... Ellen and I knew where the thoughts were coming from... and why they were coming... they were coming to steal something very important from me... my peace and my joy... I needed to change the tune... so Ellen and I shut everything down and spent our usual morning prayer time together... specifically coming against that onslaught of negative thoughts... thoughts that were based upon no facts... not one symptom... not one fact... thoughts that came simply to get me anxious... lose my peace and joy... even to the point of making me not want to visit the cardio guy at all...
In the midst of my anxiety attack... I decided not to make a couple difficult phone calls... there was no way I could talk with these people rationally ...without losing it and saying something really stupid... so I didn't call. After our prayer time, I realized that what I had done was... agreed with all the lies that were coming at me. Now that was the really stupid thing.... so I picked up the phone... dealt with both the calls I needed to make... resolved all the issues... clearly and rationally... :)
....then took off for the doctor.
I had my peace back... blocked out a bunch of strange things the nurse was saying... waiting to hear what the doctor said. I was absolutely determined to just deal with his evaluation... which would be based on the facts of the EKG...the strange pulse activities....(etc. ad nasuem from the nurse guy... :)
It really didn't matter at that point which way it went... I was going to deal with the facts... not with the "voices" ....
It was great to find out that I was not back in A-Fib... my heart rhythm was fine... it would have been OK if it was not... it just made me more thankful for what the Lord has done for me with my heart.... knowing it could have gone the other way... it didn't...seems He wants to keep me around for a little longer to cook more breakfasts for the wonderful guests He keeps sending us.
Guess I will still hold off for a bit on throwing that big funeral party I talked about... the one to celebrate my life before I die... rather than after... I wouldn't be able to enjoy the party as much if it was after...
:)
