The big lie... I mean the really really  big lie... is what I mentioned yesterday... that I am the greatest!   Maybe I should rephrase  that a little.... and say that it is the whole idea that I somehow should be...the greatest... or maybe at least  a little bit greater  than I am... followed by the thought that... you know ... I'll never be great....and then.... I don't have what it takes...

We all have different  backgrounds... upbringings... parents... no parents... standards ... no standards... some set by us.... some set for us by others... we try desperately to live up to  those standards...then fail... think we should do better... fail again... try harder... fail again... fall flat on our faces... then we create our mechanisms to cope with that... my way of coping was to prove to myself  that I was the greatest... so when things did not go right... it was never my fault... it was somebody else's fault... one of the guys I worked with during my roofing days ... used to pronounce to the rest of us every day .... loudly... every day....  "I may not be the best... but I'm good as the rest!"  ... we all have our ways...  :)

The flip side of the same beast  is that I am convinced that I am the worst... or on the way to being the worst ... so I run around doing my public pity party thingy... hoping somebody will pat me on the head and tell me I am really not that  bad... maybe even stroke my ego  a little and allude to the possibility  of my wonderfulness..... of course you have no idea what I am talking about... it's just the way Philip is.... I guess  maybe I am the only one who flips back and forth between those two... not to mention....touching everything else in between as well... ya think? ....  :)

One of my excuses always came out like this... "You're only human, big  guy"...  Come on now .... you know that one  as well as me... like after the last time I got drunk... or seduced some young lady... lost it with somebody and punched them out.... screamed with rage at whoever it was that just did me wrong... cut me off on the highway... screwed blued or tatooed me in some way shape or form.... the old  "You're only human" response to feeling so crappy about what I just did... that response I know so well... that one was the ultimate blame shifting... the ultimate someone else was at fault... it was God that made me the way I am... human... it is His fault... He made me a human being...  and human beings act the way I act....

I wish I had known how true that only human thing  was 40 years ago.... I wish it hadn't taken me so long to discover... I am a human being... and human beings act that way... we will respond like human beings the rest of our lives on this planet... as long as I live I can never change myself... I can never make myself better than I am... what you see is what you get... it is called my humanity...

The lie is  that I should be able to stop doing bad things... start doing good things... get my act together... straighten up and fly right... that is the biggest lie  Satan has ever convinced us of.... notice how our religious systems have jumped all over the lie... given us all kinds of rules and regulations... things to stop doing... things to start doing... tell me how that has worked for you?     :)


 None of it ever worked for me... it can not  work... we never... ever.... stop being who we are..... human beings...

There is some really really good news though... once we see that... once we realize who we really are ... maybe then... we can realize that there is another Life  who can live in us... a Life that is totally different... a Life  I'll talk more about nexct time... a Life  that leaves me with some choices to make...

....and one of those choices is not for Philip to stop doing bad things....

:)