Remember when I said this..."What if".... the important thing was why we do what we do...?  Remember that?....

It is probably one of the most important things we can ever grab hold of.... once I was finally able to wrap my head around that one... I could see that everything I did in my life was done so Philip could be  important... that was the motive behind everything... to be recognized... to be somebody... I had to succeed... to accomplish great things...

That didn't change after I met the Lord.... that just changed what I did... not why I did it... it was simply my natural man changing gears and now working for God instead of myself... sure... yeah... right...

That is the thing that needs to die... that natural man thing of needing to be so important.... it comes up over and over all the time... in one form or another... and not just on the golf course... it comes up in the B&B... it comes up in all my relationships... especially with the people I am closest too...

oh how desperately I need to be constantly reassured of all my wonderfulness by everyone...

what I really need to see.... is the reality of my natural man....