That extra day at the Lake with Ellen turned out to be the best day of my life to date... and that is the way it is supposed to be... days are supposed to get better and better... but that can never actually happen till that "natural man" Philip gets put to death... sorry... it just doesn't work any other way... no matter how hard I try... or how many great things I think I am accomplishing... we have everything upside down and backwards...

Once I get my focus off of me and all the baloney I want to do... and start focusing instead on my relationship with the Lord and what He wants to do... until that happens I just keep feeding my natural me... and the last thing in the world that my natural me wants... is to stop and do nothing... wait... and wait... and wait some more... and do nothing to feed that natural  thing that is Philip...

Whatever we feed on is what we become... what motivates us... what drives us... it is why we do everything we do... that can be good for us... or very bad for us... what am I hungry for?....

We have free will.... we can do whatever we want... God lets us do what we want to do... He loves us so much that He lets us go as far as we want... usually until the futility of it all finally hits... or the disaster... calamity... tragedy... failure... whatever.... until that whatever finally brings us to the point where we question it all... and start asking "what's it all about anyway?"

It's about death to that natural me... you know me... Philip the magnificent.... Captain of his fate... Master of his destiny... that guy... Philip has to go into the ground and die... in order to finally live...