Ok... so I am putting the lid on the coffin tonight... pounding in the last nail....only thing is that I can't leave the subject of putting my religious system in there.... until I talk about all the other stuff that went into the coffin before mine.... my own religious system was just the last big one that I put into the coffin... I put that one on top of all the other systems... all those others I had already put into the coffin... then I stuffed the remainder of the systems since then that I tried to either function in... or to start again myself... in my attempt to finally get it "right"...

But it's ok now... I can finish nailing down the lid... I finally "got it"... and it is not the right system... it is no system at all.. the thing the Lord is trying to show me is that it has never been about starting any religious system ever... men build systems... I build systems... all God ever wanted was simply us... not something to do for Him or build for Him... just Himself... He puts His Son in us to enable us to put ourselves in Him... 

The thing that comes so hard  for me to swallow... is the thought that there is no good thing in me... there is absolutely nothing I have that He wants... not my gifts... not my abilities... not my inteligence... not my money... not all the things I know or all the things I can do... all of that stuff has to go to the cross... and stay there...

so... there-in is my problem... my natural man has to have something that God will accept... so instead of pressing on into Him... I go back to where I am comfortable...working for God...or on to some other religious system... and try all over again... but Philip is done with all that... never again... I just want Him... whatever that costs...

It will cost... it will cost everything  I ever thought was important... but I love it... I'm gonna just relax and enjoy my relationship with Him.... regardless of the cost... I'm just gonna be who I am... where I am... in my little B&B in Morrisville, VT... having the time of my life.... knowing Him...